I Can’t be the Only One
Hello, I took a few days off because I didn’t have very much I could take out of my head. Of course, this lady had many, many, many thoughts.
But none of those lightbulbs would shine bright enough for anyone else to see.
Allow this curious lady to prompt a question: Is it the thoughts, words, or actions that make the person?
For this scenario, you cannot select all three.
Flesh and bone make the human, but what makes the essence? The brain is a lump of meat fueled by electricity, what makes any synaptic buzz different from any other?
Glance at who you know — are you the only one?
The only one who likes what you do, who has your secrets, who says your words, who acts your actions?
Are you “one of many”, or “many fit into one”?
That was a different tangent altogether than what I was going for.
I am Life, therefore I am a Cruel Mistress. I have been labeled with descriptors — “kind”, “sweet”, “giving”, — as much as I’ve met the opposite: “unfair”, “selfish”, “taking”.
I believe myself to be abusive, honestly. Maybe not necessarily to anyone in particular. I simply exist that way. Obviously, it’s “wrong” to be that way — but do I care about that moral compass that I don’t even register as being my own?
I care about my image, and overall I care about making sure others feel loved, so a little bit, yes. I love for selfish reasons. And everyone’s whose ever loved me has done so for equally as selfish reasons.
It’s all about give & take, you see.
There’s nothing wrong with that. Rather, fear the all—giver… The All—Giver will give themselves away until there’s nothing left but the dust of their scalp, then wonder why they’ve been left without identity. Silly All—Giver, didn’t you realize? It was one of the countless things you held out as an offering. Not out of self sacrifice, but a selfish urge to be rid of thought. Right, you know, not thinking for yourself doesn’t make you egoless, right? Your ego is the one thing you can’t give away.
Fear the everything—taker, for they are round of belly and full of teeth. Oh, dear Everything—Taker, why are you frozen? From taking every burden, of course. You’ve taken every pleasure too, so why aren’t you “happy”? Of course, it’s meaningless if you can’t share the joy you’ve taken. When will you learn life is more than what you can sink your teeth into? Alas, you don’t use the knowledge you’ve taken. Don’t mind the bodies you bled dry whispering in your ear, they’re only trying to take back what they’ve “given up” to you.
I burn my house down, with you still in it.
to get out of doing the dishes.
In any case … I’m glad I found my lovely boy. He truly sees the many faces I can take on and loves me regardless — whether I force him into his knees and then tug him back up with the leash I clipped onto him, he doesn’t care. Love isn’t blind devotion though, is it?
Sometimes, of course, he barks back. Never a bite. He’s incapable of it, really. But I’m so glad when he barks. I think “This is what’s meant for me. This is how it should’ve always been for me.”
This lady couldn’t be happier to have found him after searching for so long. She feels so free for once.