Fun Plan
Today I smoked for the first time 3 months. Genuinely, today marks the 3rd month.
It’s gone terribly. I keep spiraling. My little brother ran away from home because he’s grounded. That’s not even on top of all the everything.
Everything is terrible.
It feels like I’ll never be loved again.
Maybe someday, someway, if I was totally different.
I want to be different but I don’t want to change.
I want something but I don’t want to exchange it.
I feel so sick. I threw up in the shower and then I drank too much water.
Everything feels like that.
Too much and too little.
I don’t know what to do anymore.
I’ve never felt more out of control in my life.